Niki does Limassol, but Faithless stick to Nicosia

I can honestly say I have mixed feelings about this, kind of how I would feel if I won the lottery but had to pay half of it in taxes, or if someone who really pissed me off shot themselves in the f***ing face but then had his insurance cover facial reconstruction and ended up looking even better than me (which is probably difficult, but possible, I guess).

So Faithless, the British dance band, are coming to Cyprus. But they are coming to Nicosia. This pisses me right off because I happen to live in Limassol. I live in Limassol because the people here, even though they are more prone to committing criminal acts, are also friendlier and more laidback. The people of Limassol cannot drive for s**t, but try driving around Nicosia’s labyrinths. When I go to Nicosia, all I have to tell them is that I have come from Limassol and they smile knowingly and let me through. Patronising f***ers.

DJ Tiesto would have and should have performed in Limassol at the Spyros Kyprianou Athletics Centre (there is apparently a law in this town that everything has to be named after the former president), but instead he went to Nicosia. If it wasn’t for one particular beach bar, the best DJ we would have seen in ages would be topless former pornstar Niki Belucci, who- let’s face it, has very nice titties, but frankly sucks in the music-mixing department. Meanwhile top DJs perform in Ayia Napa, Nicosia and even Larnaca. Larnaca? Now I will try not to be offensive towards the fine people of this town, but, seriously, Larnaca? For f**k’s sake!

We had a great Beer Festival but the sponsors screwed it up. We have a Street Festival, the highlight of which was an amazing mural with naked chicks, but the nakedness had to be painted over, first with sprayed-on bikinis and then with a whitewash because the people who owned the wall decided to be prudish. Or something like that.

We have a Wine Festival, but that’s just an excuse for people to get drunk. So what remains? Topless DJ Niki Belucci. At least if she took her shorts off, I would have feigned some interest.

Anyway, I will go and see Faithless and I will demand to know, both from them and from the local authorities here in Limassol why they made me drive all the way to Nicosia. I might even need to get a room. Because if I get lucky, I’m not planning on driving any girl all the way to Nicosia the next morning. Even if she looks like Niki Belucci.

(c) Hipster 2008 These are the thoughts and opinions of the author and do not reflect the agreement or the disagreement with them by as a whole.

About the Author


The man they call "The Hipster" has a way with words as well as a way with women. The Hipster's purpose in life is to live it, and he does so with a true joie de vivre not seen anywhere outside France (where they invented the damn term, so they should know). The Hipster often drinks and parties to excess but he always maintains control and looks cool while doing so. When he is bored he barks at random people, causing all neighbourhood dogs to go wild, but his talents go further, since he is a master in the kitchen (amongst other places in his home). He is a brilliant satirist and a master cocktail maker. He also wrote this bio.